The Need for Drama

I meet Ruby for lunch and she spends two hours telling me about the devastating fight she had with her boyfriend. This is the third lunch date that we have spent only on the same dis-functional relationship issue.
Anil is another childhood friend who obsesses about how he’s going to lose his job because his boss ignored what he proposed and he needs my support to get through the day!
Ruby and Anil are drama queen and king! We certainly meet many in our everyday lives. Remember the woman at the coffee shop who didn’t get the right coffee and proceeded to get so loud that the entire shop noticed? Or the guy at the store who was so rude and obnoxious to the clerk and started to drag others into the attack? Or the mother-in-law who blows everything out of proportion so that she has some adventure in her life even though the entire family is miserable because of her behavior? Stirring up drama by creating family conflicts and blowing things out of proportion, may be the only expression she has left!
Do you have people in your life that like to create dramas? Do they like to stir up energy and conflict, adding fuel to the fire and then reveling in it? Every incident or opportunity, no matter how insignificant, is exploited, exaggerated and if necessary, distorted to become an event of dramatic and crisis proportions; histrionics where the person feels they are not the center of attention but should be! It can be a challenge to be around people who are addicted to drama. It becomes certainly uncomfortable.
Attention-seeking behavior is common. Drama-filled relationships can be a great high for some but no one can build a life on them. Being the center of attention alleviates feelings of insecurity and inadequacy but the relief is temporary because the underlying problem remains unaddressed.
The addiction to drama is not much different from the addiction to gambling. When there is drama in a relationship dynamic, excitement happens, your body produces adrenaline and there is a rush of energy. A rush helps people alive.
We create our own unnecessary drama. Let’s take a close relationship that is in jeopardy. Most likely there is a trust issue there…a couple are on a journey and the lady wants to stop for a coffee. She asks her partner, “Do you want a coffee?” If he says he doesn’t need a coffee, instead of saying that she would really like one, she feels that he doesn’t want to do what she wants. She obsesses over why he doesn’t care, there is probably an argument and what could have been a pleasant outing turns into an ordeal.
Why do we let such minor issues get so big? The ego is very clever at making mountains out of mole hills, it is, in fact, the ego’s favorite sport!
Drama tests you. The test is whether you choose to buy into it or move right by it. Buying into the drama can happen so subvertly that you don’t even notice it. You can make any choice on your path. Choose to see it for what it is
When you are looking to create peace and calm in your life drama takes a back seat. The adrenaline is no longer important.
The ego can be trained to enjoy peace, to love calmness, to embrace stillness and to happily accept what is. Out of this comes creativity, synchronicity and endless opportunities to occupy the ego _ a way that aligns with our evolvement and makes us happy. Once we do that, whenever we are faced with stress in our relationships we’re much more equipped to deal with them.
Dramas directed by a confused, unoriginal, rubbish contaminated ego are unnecessary and lead only to suffering. Life is already a drama and it’s a huge blockbuster.
Without self-made dramas life floats to the tune of the universe and its this tune that miracles and magic are made of!

I am because of you.

I was listening to Oprah Winfrey the other day, and she said something that hit home, in a way things do when we are ready to hear them. She said, “No one makes it alone…All those people who have come into my life are the bricks in the building that I am.”
I am currently involved in an educational initiative that has a mentorship arm that I now realize is crucial in the growing up process. Mentors help us expand our concept of ourselves. I know my mentor did for me and I want to pass it on. If I didn’t have someone who hadn’t believed in me, I wouldn’t be who I am today; neither would I strive for progress. I wouldn’t have looked for new direction or believe in my worth…I think it’s important to believe in another’s capability too.
So who would I thank for helping me travel along this road of life? My parents, of course, my partners, my friends and students…also floods of people I have encountered, some even momentary encounters enter my mind, especially the challenging ones. For all these I feel a sense of immense gratitude.
I am learning and growing because of the people who crossed my path and who help me fulfill my role as wife, mother, sister and certainly as a teacher. Our own well-being is deeply tied to the well-being of others. I deeply resonate with the universal concept, “people are not people without other people.”
This is exactly what Nelson Mandela personified. He became the embodiment of what in South Africa, is called “Ubuntu”. It is a beautiful and old concept based on human kindness, connectedness, community and mutual caring for all. Its hallmarks are reconciliation and harmony. It reminds us of a need for understanding but not vengeance, a need for reparation and not retaliation, a need for ubuntu and not for victimization. It speaks of the very essence of being human, which to me means our generosity of spirit, friendship, hospitality, caring and compassion. It is to say, “My humanity is inextricably bound up in yours. We belong in a bundle of life.”
In many ways Ubuntu mirrors the Hindu spiritual teaching of Advaita, or the law of opposite polarities. The night exists because there is day, yin and yang are part and opposites of the same concept, anger is our reality because some part of us has the potential for willingness; plus and minus, positive and negative…one cannot exist without the other.
Contrary to the division and separation implied by western science our entire world is connected and full of organisms and particles that work together in harmony. It’s a giant, cosmic, spectrum of potentiality. Our planet is dependant on all of its parts and something that affects one part affects us all.
I love what Bill Clinton has to say, “The world is too small, our wisdom too limited, our time here too short, to waste any in winning fleeting victories at another’s expense. We must find a way to triumph together. If we were the most beautiful, the most intelligent, most wealthy or powerful and then found that we are alone on this planet, it wouldn’t amount to much, would it? I am human because I belong, I participate, I share.”
At times, this infinite energy and endless potential seems too vast and daunting where I see myself as the tiniest grain of sand. Yet, I know that behind everything there is not nothingness, not emptiness, but a vast energy seen as matter. It is not enough to say that this energy surrounds us or engulfs us….we are this energy! We arise out of its gentle embrace!